Quoth the GLaDOS
by encoder
Summary: What happens when you do Portal in the style of Edgar Allan Poe? This!


Once upon a level dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,

Once upon a level dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious puzzle of forgotten lore,

While I starved, nearly collapsing, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my level door.

'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, tapping at my level door -

Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, yes, I remember it keen, it was during level nineteen,

And each separate dying turret wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the end; - vainly I had sought to suspend

From my portals surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Cube -

For the rare and weighted companion whom the angels named Cube -

Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad, too fatal, rustling of each purple portal

Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my level door -

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my level door; -

This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

Sir,' said I, or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was starving, and so gently you came carving,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -

Flames there, and nothing more.

Deep into those flames peering, quickly I escaped there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no clone ever dared to dream before

But my silence was unbroken, and the lab computers gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, Cube!'

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, Cube!'

Merely this and nothing more.

Forward towards my foe turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

Surely,' said I, surely that is something in this control room;

Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -

'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

I saw the stately GLaDOS of the saintly days of yore.

Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -

Perched upon the ceiling far above my chamber door -

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony machine beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

Though thy crest be short and shaken, thou,' I said, art sure no craven.

Ghastly grim and ancient GLaDOS wandering from the nightly shore

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'

Quoth the GLaDOS, Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly robot to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no cloned human being

Ever yet was blessed with seeing her in the ceiling above the door -

Bird or beast above the red-eyed camera above her chamber door,

With such name as Nevermore.'

But the GLaDOS, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,

That one word, as if her soul in that one word she did outpour.

Nothing further then she uttered - not a eye then she fluttered -

Till I scarcely more than muttered Other friends have flown before,

On the morrow I will kill her, as my love has died before.'

Then she said, Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

Doubtless,' said I, what it utters is its only stock and store,

Caught from some unhappy programmer whom unmerciful disaster

Followed fast and followed faster till his codes one burden bore -

Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore

Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the GLaDOS still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,

Straight I sat in front of her in this room beside the door

Then, upon the floor sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous robot of yore -

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous robot of yore

Meant in croaking Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the machine whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the hard floor's lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,

But whose hard floor's lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,

I shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew poisoner, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by robot arms whose foot-falls tinkled on the shining floor.

Wretch,' I cried, thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee

neurotoxin! – neurotoxin to take away my memories of the Cube!

Give, Oh, give me baked goods, and let me forget this lost Cube!'

Quoth the GLaDOS, Nevermore.'

Prophet!' said I, thing of evil! - prophet still, if robot or devil! -

Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here above,

Lonely yet all undaunted, in this testing room enchanted -

In this chamber by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -

Is there - is there Cake in level 20? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'

Quoth the GLaDOS, Nevermore.'

Prophet!' said I, thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that ceiling that bends above us - by that cake we both adore -

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall clasp a sainted companion whom the angels named Cube -

Clasp a rare and weighted companion, whom the angels named Cube?'

Quoth the GLaDOS, Nevermore.'

Be that word our sign of parting, robot and fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -

Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

Leave not one eye as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the ceiling above my door!

Take thy robot arm from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'

Quoth the GLaDOS, Nevermore.'

And the GLaDOS, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the really tall ceiling just above my chamber door;

And her eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er her streaming throws her shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted - nevermore!


End file.
